Chapter Three

"Maybe I'm not the father," I said. "She had a boyfriend before I met her. Remember, he came to visit her the morning we left."

"A redheaded boy," Mom said.

"He was home on leave from the Navy."

Chapter Three

Snapping out the lights in the den, I trudged up the stairs and into my room. I closed my door, locked it, and collapsed on my bed in the darkness without undressing.

I wanted to be alone.

I stared at the black ceiling. My dad's dying, my making a girl pregnant, the daughter of my dad's best friend—this stuff was supposed to happen to other people. Not me. Not Michael Panther.

No reason, no logic—life sometimes grabs you by the throat and throws you against a wall.

I let out a long, low groan.

The confusion I felt was so real it pulsed through my veins.

While I'd been at Ghost Bay, Jodi'd had no time for anyone else but me. But before I'd arrived...or after I'd left...she'd had plenty of time to hook up with someone else. Especially with what's-his-name. Lonnie? And I wasn't the first guy she'd been with, that was for sure. I mean, a guy can tell.

A tap at the door.

I didn't get up. I didn't say anything. I lay flat on my back, spread-eagle, still staring at the ceiling. With the blinds down and the curtains pulled, lights out, the darkness was so thick in my room I couldn't tell if my eyes were open or not.

Three more taps, loud and quick.

"Michael, are you in there?"

"What do you want?"

"I'm coming in."

Mom twisted the doorknob, pushed on the door. "I need to talk to you, Michael."

I didn't answer.

"About Dad," she said. "Unlock the door."

I snapped on my bedside light, dragged myself off the bed, and unlocked the door for Mom. Opened it. She didn't come in, just stood in the doorway. My mom's beautiful, no doubt about it. Tall, long black hair—I think she touches it up a bit—porcelain skin, blue eyes, and a shape like a cheerleader's. Still. Maybe a guy shouldn't say all that about his mom, but it's true.

I shuffled back and dropped down on the foot of the bed.

Mom said, "Why didn't you tell me you were off the phone?"

"I forgot you wanted it."

"Michael, Dad is so weak, I think we should talk to his doctor tomorrow. He's disoriented. Sometimes I'm not sure he knows who we are. The pain seems to be bothering him more."

"All right, we'll talk to the doctor. Definitely, I think Dad should be in the hospital."

"I agree." I hoped mom would turn around and leave. I had to think, think, think. But she didn't. She waited a second and asked, "What did Jodi say?"

"She's pregnant."

I said it straight out like that. I didn't know what else to do. I wasn't trying to be a smartass. I was simply too weary and too stunned to try to hide anything. Besides, there was no point in keeping the news from Mom. She'd find out when Travis and his wife Lois came to town for Dad's funeral. Maybe in a week or less.

Mom's eyebrows jumped. Her wide-eyed look seemed to ask, Oh Lord, what have you done? "That's why she called?"

"And to ask about Dad."

"She's positive she's pregnant?"

"That's what she says."

Mom didn't seem too shocked or too angry, like I'd thought she'd be. She didn't blow her cool and scream at me. She looked at me with tired eyes and said," I knew something serious was going on between you two."

"You knew?"

"By the way you looked at one another, acted around one another. All the time you two spent alone together."

"I wonder if Travis and Lois suspected."

Mom shrugged. "What were you thinking, Michael?"

"I wasn't."

"Do you realize the jeopardy you've put yourself in? Jodi, too?"

"I know."

Mom eased into my room and planted herself next to me on the bed. "You're going to be heaped with decisions you never dreamed of making."

"I figured that."

"And with new responsibilities. Especially if Jodi keeps the baby."

"Mom, stop..."

"Making a girl pregnant will change everything, Michael. Your whole sense of reality."

If Mom was trying to tell me I wasn't going to play football for a big-time college after I graduated next spring, she was wrong about that.

"Did Jodi say what she intends to do about the baby? Adoption? Keep the child?"

"She's going to keep it." I scratched the side of my head. "Adoption—that sounds good to me." Then I started thinking. "But I'll bet Jodi wouldn't give up a baby. I'll even bet her folks wouldn't want her to do that. I mean, they all seem so close-knit, living there alone in the wilderness."

"The choice is hers, Michael. No one else's. Hers alone."

"Not mine?"

"I'm afraid not."

I rocked back and forth. "But that's not fair. If she has the baby adopted, I'm home free. But if she keeps it—like you said—my life will change."

"Drastically."

"It's like she's gained control of my future."

"That's right."

"Why don't I have a voice?"

"You simply don't."

"Can't you see how unfair that is, her power over me? Over my life?"

"That's the way things are, Michael."

"I can't believe this. I'm not ready to be a dad."

Mom nodded, her dark eyes level with mine. "You should've thought of that before you did what you did."

I puffed out a sigh. I couldn't deny that.

"You're not the one who's pregnant," Mom said. "Not the one who has to carry a baby for nine months, your body all stretched out of shape, then go through labor and birth and wonder if you'll ever be you again."

"It's still not fair."

"No one said life was fair."

I bowed my head. Mom was right again. If life were fair, Dad wouldn't be dying.

Suck it up, Michael.

"She might change her mind and opt for adoption," Mom said. "Unwed mothers have lots of control over the process now. Like even picking out the adoptive parents."

"I can't believe this is happening to me."

Mom sat there, lips pursed, deep lines cutting across her forehead. "It's happening to all of us, Michael. Not just you."

I kept rocking back and forth. I realized I'd dumped a big load on Mom. She was already trying to deal with Dad's dying, her future without him, and now she had another problem to wrestle with. She was probably thinking, What's next? Will the sky fall on me?

"I'm sorry," I said. "I never expected this to happen." My voice sounded strangled, as if my throat were closing off. "I know you're trying to deal with a million other things...I'm sorry..."

Mom dropped a warm hand over my fists clenched in my lap. "You and Jodi are going to have to talk things through carefully. And you'll have to talk to Travis and Lois."

"Maybe I'm not the father," I said. "She had a boyfriend before I met her. Remember, he came to visit her the morning we left."

"A redheaded boy," Mom said.

"He was home on leave from the Navy."

"I remember him."

"They walked off into the woods together, down a path toward the lake. I saw them kissing."

"I'm sure she knows who's responsible, Michael. Are you going to tell Dad?"

"Why? I don't want to hit him with something else to think about. Are you going to tell him?"

"No. What does Jodi intend to do about school?"

I explained as much as I knew about Jodi's coming to Grandview, living with her grandparents, and going to school here.

"That's good, Michael. Very good. You'll be able to talk to her face to face. And work things out. Decide what to do."

"She went to school here for a semester when she was a sophomore. She helped out her grandparents. Her grandpa had some kind of surgery."

"Well, at least her surroundings won't be entirely new to her."

"I still can't believe this his happening."

"I'll give you all the help and support I can." Mom squeezed my hand. "This is very serious, but you're not alone."

I swallowed. My throat ached from swallowing so much. "Thanks," I mumbled, and suddenly felt shamefaced and guilty because I knew I'd disappointed my mom. If Dad knew about this, he'd be pissed, I'm sure. What the hell's wrong with you?

But I tried to shrug off those feelings of shame and guilt.

No reason to feel like that until I found out the truth from Jodi. No reason to fear she had power over my future and me. What was that other guy's name? The redheaded guy who came to see Jodi the morning my folks and I left Ghost Bay, the guy who undoubtedly made her pregnant—what was his name? Lester?

He's the guy Jodi should be bugging.

Not me.

Coming next—Chapter Four: Michael goes one-on-one with Jodi's dad.